sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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