I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
