Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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