Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
