my vag is so smooth its legendary
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I should be sponsored by Trojan
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
