i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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