"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
