is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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