I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
