I wannas sexs uuuuu
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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