No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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