and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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