my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
