I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
