I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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