We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
