I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my being single is dangerous.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
