therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
