I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
