cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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