oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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