Got a toothbrush?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
