her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
