He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
