I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my being single is dangerous.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
