I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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