thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
