i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
