return my video game
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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