It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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