Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
