Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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