i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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