OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
