careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
