in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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