I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
