My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
