UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
