I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
