The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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