You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
