Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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