Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A+ Viking dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
