so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
