I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
