But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
