No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
