FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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