Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Come see our sink grown plant.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
