I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
3 2 1 whiskey
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
