she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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