I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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